Signal
A stream of consciousness on taste and interior longing
I was sitting in my favorite coffee shop (Interlude) yesterday morning.
This was just after walking into our apartment downtown after not being here for a year, switching the lights on, popping down on the sofa, looking out the window, and taking it all in.
Something was different yet far too familiar.
The city and its full time residents are doing their best to be productive and make a valuable contribution to the world. Just being here makes you ask yourself “Who am I? What can I do? How can I make most out of my time?”
That feeling is familiar.
Yet, I feel different. I spent the last year and a half living in La Jolla, CA. My life consists of walking the different beaches at the bottom of the hill from our home, leaving lots of time sitting at home in contemplation, and training for my next ranking in Goju Ryu.
Interiorly, I feel peace. That is what is different.
When I stripped away the busyness of New York, the businesses I had, every symptom of the industrial revolution from my life, I felt anxious.
To have an empty calendar is a dream. Only, if you first go through the pain of detoxing yourself from it. The first month without meetings felt a little bit like dying.
Time, structure, work, meaning: it all gets wrapped up as an interior attachment or identity. And when you take it all away, when I took it all away, the question “who am I?” finally gets addressed at the root.
Why am I in New York? I am directing a film I’ve wanted to create for a while.
This idea / creative endeavour emerged from the peace.
My creative producer (and godfather to my kids) Steven Lawson (founder of Monk Manual) and I talk to each other using the words “signal” vs. “noise”.
We often ask each other “is this signal?” or we tell each other “I think this is signal”, every time we think God is moving in something we are doing. We pick up on it. Like catching a dream. Or tuning in.
“Have you noticed there is signal around Italy?”
”I think Jon Bellion is operating from a place of signal”
”This may be noise so if it is, just ignore it, but I am just going to tell you in case it’s signal”
These are all things we have told each other lately.
After finishing my coffee, I was staring at my empty computer screen, about to write this article, I concluded very quickly that it was noise. I almost packed it up and walked home.
Yet, I prayed and asked myself “What would I want to see in the world? What do I want to read?”
I don’t like reading.
I am an auditory learner. I listen to books at 2x-4x speed and can comprehend it just fine. That is my preferred method of reading.
It hit me. I don’t want to write. I want to show what guides me. Where I get signal. Where I feel most alive. Where I feel most at peace. What guides my senses. What brings me through trials. Something that comes very naturally for me: Taste.
I have made a video about this in the past but thought I would lay out something that reveals the underlying guiding light to my life.
And,
I would argue,
a guiding light you most likely should curate for yourself.
I just want to walk you through some things that have been “signal” for me. They come in many different forms. Songs. Movies. Furniture. Humor. Books. Clothing.
These pictures, explanations, and links, will be a stream of consciousness. A mixture of genres and mediums. Feel free to explore everything at your own time. These are access points that reveal a deeper interior longing.
It will also give you a small picture into my world.
I am not going to share “what I am listening to” or “my favorite artists right now”. If you don’t already know this, I am a music producer and founded the education company Mastering.com. I live and breath music. My goal is not to tell you songs you need to listen to.
What I hope to do is give a snapshot of some things in my life that feel like signal to me.
As you continue “reading” this “article”, I would encourage you to see the meta narrative happening here. In fact, I’ll spell it out for you:
“Do I have taste?”
”What are the common themes here?”
”How does he discover this stuff?”
”Do I like this? Do I not like this?”
These questions will pop up as you continue reading. My hope isn’t that you walk away liking or disliking what I like and dislike. What a terrible endeavor.
My hope is that you would get the point of what I am doing here. That is, you can have taste. You can allow the curation of your taste to reveal your interior state. Your taste does not reveal who you want to be, it reveals who you are.
I will provide you with minimal commentary and try to let the pictures, links, and stories speak for themselves. You can make a judgement about what is going on here. But my desire is for you to connect to the artist inside you. Better said, connect to the beauty that dictates your sanctity.
Enjoy.
Lil Wayne: Maria (feat. Andrea Bocelli & Wyclef Jean)
I had the privilege of working with Lil’ Wayne back in 2015 on a Pimp C record. He seems like he is more in tune with signal now.
“According to Wyclef, he flew to Italy to personally ask Bocelli for permission to sample him. After hearing about Wayne’s childhood trauma and surviving a self-inflicted gunshot at age 12, Bocelli chose to record the part himself. Wyclef told Rolling Stone, “It’s one of them records that I feel is going to stop time.”
Evidently he is a practicing Catholic. I told my wife, “this is what Catholicism should look like, not Catholic Answers making response videos”.
The War On Drugs: Live Drugs Again
Susanne Sundfør: Deilig er jorden
Matt Berninger: Bonnet Of Pins
Tom Donald and The Monks of Pluscarden Abbey: Pax Aeterna
I got to work with him back in 2012. He releases and delists his music so there’s no specific link attached. Obviously he is all over the place. But as soon as I saw him put on that black hood, I told myself “this dude is playing some other longer game”. A little disclaimer about my observations here, I know he is deeply controversial and not a person I recommend anyone model their life after. However, I couldn’t overlook him as he is clearly some sort of prophetic voice and probably the greatest performance actor of all time.
Abhaya
I walk by this store on my way to coffee. I can’t help but want every item in my home.
Rabbits (2002) A Short Film by David Lynch
Nostalghia (1983) by Andrei Tarkovsky
MDE Presents: ALEX-BOT | FULL STAND-UP COMEDY SPECIAL by Alex Schultz
(EXTREMELY NSFW)
Eyn Vas
The only clothing I wear.
The Seven Storey Mountain by Thomas Merton
Into Your Hands, Father: Abandoning Ourselves to the God Who Loves Us by Wilfrid Stinissen
The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles by Steven Pressfield
Kamp
They plastered our apartment.
From my walk home last night. Hey neighbor.
It’s a never ending pursuit.
Now, if I sat here for the next 8 hours, I could easily keep going. That is the point. A never ending curation of taste comes naturally.
More importantly, using this ability to tap into whatever this is, allows you to be a creator.
Not a creative.
Do you have taste? Do certain themes, moods, experiences, feelings, environments, images, music etc. speak to you?
Why are they speaking to you?
What is the deeper longing?
Do you outsource your taste?
Where does your taste lead you?
-b
My thoughts:
Signal is a phrase/concept I didn’t know I needed, thank you
The War of Art was life-changing for me
Thank you for spilling your 10/10 clothing source
I’ve been meandering through some of your signal pieces. Knowing you- all of these pieces definitely feel like you.
The funny thing about Signal is that it is so personal. It’s a vibe.
I’ve always done this. I didn’t realize that others didn’t to this.
I’ve always called it “authenticity”. But in reading your article- I’m sure we are talking about the same thing. It’s why I’m drawn to women’s work, flowers, anything orange, art that has struggle in it, community expression, honouring the life/death cycle. Child-like playful humour. Explosive laughter.
It’s taken me awhile to come around to the idea that my authenticity is not the same as others. I’d often think “don’t they see how beautiful/meaningful this is?” And the answer is no.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and all that.
Thank you for articulating this idea. It feels authentic to me. 🧡